Yet...another emotion pops into me head

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Posted by Philip R. McDavid | Posted on 2:57 PM | Posted in

So, this random thought just popped into my head, and I had to get it out....so here goes.

When I first came out, you know, like that wasn't hard enough! I had to have people who made their comments to me, gave their looks. I got used to it. But nothing hurt more than the day my mother looked at me and said, "You know, maybe God took your sister and Grandma so they wouldn't have to see what you'd become."

I'll never forget that. That cut me deeper than any friend or family member that had deserted me. I mean how much of a heartless bastard can you be?! I mean, seriously! I really don't think that the God that you serve would have ever said or done something that low!

That's what amazes em the most throughout this whole experience. You know?! Christians sit there and judge me for being who I am, and they make their smart comments, and give me their nasty looks, but they're being VERY hypocritical. I mean, do they really expect for me to just start believing in what they do because they're doing the exact opposite?! HELL NO!!! It just pushes me away even more!

I am quite pleased with what I believe in right now. With Pagans, we don't judge people, we don't hold them up to any certain light. We're very open minded. There is no real set way to live with our religion and beliefs. It's all different for each person. Why?! Because we believe that each person has a different path to take in life, and that doesn't make anyone any better than anyone else, it just makes us all the more different and unique!

So you can take your Christian beliefs and shove them up your tight assholes. Cause I don't want to have anything to do with it. When you can get your heads out of your asses enough to where whenever you open your mouths, shit doesn't fall out, then maybe I'll listen. Just sayin. Have a nice day....the Bon Jovi way!

OK...so...this one time...at band camp....

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Posted by Philip R. McDavid | Posted on 1:51 PM | Posted in , , ,

I chose that title, because this blog is totally inspired by "American Pie". I got to thinking today about what was so wrong with American Pie, besides it being pretty much completely straight themed. The answer? NOTHING! People just have a hard time accepting things they can't control, things they can't do, and things that christians have rated as private!

Sex is a common thing. It's normal! Who hasn't had sex, seen sex, or know what it is?! But I'm not only talking about things that are of sexual nature, but also things that aren't, such as, magick. Or as people call it, witchcraft.

I myself, am not only gay, but I'm also Wiccan, or your modern day witch. People don't believe magick is real but truth is, it is. It may not be the card and coin tricks you see in shows, but magick most certainly is real. I have seen and done many things in the 3 short months that I've actually been a solitary practicing Wiccan. So I personally have no issue talking about it, or believing in it. But if other people knew what I have seen and done?! They'd put me in a straight jacket.

One of my all time favorite movies always has been the Salem Witch Trials. That movie helped me to see what people are REALLY afraid of. It also helped me understand a lot of things about life. If you haven't seen this movie, I highly recommend seeing it. I just bought it off of Target.com for like, $10 on DVD including shipping, and it only comes in widescreen, but that is one of the features of the movie that makes it so interesting. Normally I hate widescreen.

Anyway, why are people so afraid of magick? Why can't they accept that it exists? Why is sex something that is kept quiet? My personal opinion is this. I believe that man, while trying to feel dominant, created all these "rules" or preferences to try to control the world. For instance, back to witches, back when witches were burnt at the stake, did you know that most of the women who were being martyred were just women that could do what men could...such as the mid-wives? But there are male witches too....so why weren't men being hung and burned at the stake? Because it was just another way for men to feel dominant! That's my opinion! Take it or leave it!

Things life brings our way

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Posted by Philip R. McDavid | Posted on 1:47 AM | Posted in

Sometimes I wonder about things that life causes us to do, and brings our way. Just a few moments ago, I had to write an email to my best friend, my cousin, and to top it off, she was also like my sister.

See, I was born and raised Independant Fundemental Baptist, as was she. But I always knew there was something different about me. Something that if the world knew, I wouldn't be as accepted, well liked, and things would never be the same. I am gay.

Just three short months ago, I came out, and naturally, just as I had feared, I was not well accepted anymore, wasn't liked as much, and got shunned by many people. By the church? you ask? No, not really. Yes, naturally, a few have a hard time with it, as you'll find in any group of people. But those that had the hardest time with it, was the family.

It was 3 months before my grandmother spoke to me again. I visited the church with her, and was not spoken to by the family that was at the church, including this cousin. I had many "friends" that just walked right past me, many that didn't even bother to do that. Then there was the few that actually came up and talked to me.

Needless to say, throughout this entire experience, I have found out who loves me, and who are assholes.

Just moments ago, I made the hard decision of sending an email to my cousin, telling her....well, I'll let you read it.

"I am sorry that you couldn't come to terms with life, and in turn have blocked me out. But truth is, I don't need people to live and go on with my life. I have my real friends, and the family who cares about me, and this time in my life has shown me those who truly care, from those who don't. I really appreciate you finally showing your true feelings towards me. It is now time for me to move on, and that is just what I am going to do.

I'm afraid it's really too late to reverse anything that's already been done. It's kind of amusing. My entire life I invested in christians, and in my greatest time of need, it was the christians who stabbed me in the back and forsook me. That's okay. At least I know who is real and who isn't. I'm sure we'll see each other around, it's inevitable. We're family, and you're stuck with me. Sorry I can't be permenantly erased as you obviously would prefer me to be.

I hope that you have a nice life.

Philip"

After sending this email, I feel quite relieved and like a ton of bricks has been lifted off of my chest. Yes, I am quite hurt by how I've not only been treated, but also by how I've NOT been treated! But life goes on, and so must we. So until next time, Stay Cute!