He Loves Me......


Posted by Philip R. McDavid | Posted on 8:16 PM | Posted in

So yesterday, as most know, my family had an outing at Cedar Point. It was planned by my brother, Tommy, and was an open invitation for all family, including extended. For starters, it was only my brother, his girlfriend, Andrea, and my father, and myself. So I was having a good time. They're all awesome! But as the day progressed, more of the extended family sporadically showed up. Some like me, others don't. Such is life.

But most of the ones who don't like me, are the ones who were the closest to me to start with. That's the bothersome part. As the day progressed, I just felt awkward, out of place, like I had nowhere to belong. The family that liked me would try to include me in their conversations but the family that didn't like me would cleverly and sneakily back out. I only noticed cause I was already paranoid.

Anyway, as time went on, things got better. The family eventually saw that I'm still the same, only better. Because I didn't have the misery of hiding a huge secret, and everyone was talking to me by the end of the night. Though it wasn't the same as it usually was, they were talking. I now see what the new normal will be, and I can accept it. Mainly because they're christians and I try to keep my distance from them, unless they have proven themselves to me, that they are not the normal christian that judges and hates.

After Cedar Point, some of us went to Friendlys for breakfast, or dinner, or whatever is eaten at 2am, and we had a good time. Our waitress, Buffy, was a Wednesday night minister, and when we went to pray, she joined us. She was the type who hold hands when they pray, so you know the situation. Where you're sitting there and someone starts to grab someone's hand for prayer, so you hesitantly start reaching for those around you. You know? That really awkward moment? Yeah, well, that was the moment that made my life worth living again.

I was sitting in between my brother and my father. My brother before I had a chance to realize what was going on, grabs my hand tightly, and just smiles at me affirmingly. It was that smile that he was doing it not only to be funny, but also because he knew that I really just needed to know that he doesn't feel weird around me just because I'm gay. He gripped my hand tightly and I almost cried but I refrained. Well, until I excused myself for the restroom after the prayer. I really do have the most wonderful brother in all the world!

Anyway, that's where the "He Loves Me" comes in. I also found out that my brother planned yesterday hoping to break the "Coming Out Tension". Just goes to show that my brother will always have my back!