DON'T DO IT!!!!!!!

Posted by Philip R. McDavid | Posted on 12:54 AM | Posted in

So, I was on the phone with a young man about my age tonight, and while I won't announce his issues, I will make up fake scenarios.

As most know by now, by my previous notes, I "counsel" men who have been sexually, physically, and/or mentally abused, with no professional attachment. In doing so, I often have many that call me wanting to commit suicide, and even if they're not wanting to commit suicide, they still don't want to live. And I so often just want to scream, "DON'T DO IT!!!" But I have to take a more calm approach, as screaming will only make them more upset and nervous.

So often times, people don't feel that they have a lot to live for, and that they are better off dead. One of the exercises I have them do is to make a list of all the positives in their life, even if it seems stupid. Using myself as an example, my list might look like this, and I'm only going to name 5 things.

1) music
2) strawberry milk
3) key lime pie
4) AJ, PJ, and TJ, my 3 fish
5) air

I basically have them pick the most obvious things that we oft' times over look. Things that are always there, but we seem to miss cause they're so "everyday". I have them put in positive characteristic traits, memories of their childhood, people, things, pets, food, etc....into this list. I never ask to see it! That is their business. After giving them their homework assignment, I just talk things out with them. What is going in their head? Why do they feel that way? Help them understand where that thought and/or feeling is rooted and then we start working on digging up the root.

I also help them to realize how it would negatively effect those around them, family members, friends, co-workers, etc....and help them to realize what they would be missing in the future.

In the 9 months I have been doing this, I have had 69 suicide scares and NONE follow through! It's all by the grace of God that He gives me strength to get through it!

Many times, through the sessions, I get very attached to these men. A few have I met in person, others, it's still over the phone, IM, or through the websites to which I meet them, but all of them become good friends! One thing I know I learned through counseling with my own pastor, is that I feel more comfortable talking about these issues knowing he's a friend, rather than talking to someone who is only talking to me cause he has a paper that gives him license. So, through many of my sessions there is personal attachment and so I have to be able to detach myself while talking to them.

So many times, in these modern days, there are MORE than MANY that feel suicide is the best answer! But my goal is to get people to realize that it's not! Sure, life is rough, but there is greater meaning and purpose!

Now, through my 9 months, I have come across a few cases that were just way out of my league. I am not dumb enough to take those ones. After all, I'm not licensed, schooled, and or skilled enough to take on some people's mental state of minds. Let's face it, there's some crazy people out there!

Oh, and I also feel compelled to add, that I am in no way a substitute for if they are working with a professional therapist and with a few cases, have even worked hand in hand with a therapist, at the request of the patient. The therapists agreed with my "talking with a friend easier than a therapist" analogy. And the patients know that I will be telling their therapist what they say, but it is easier for some to have a mediator when talking about some issues.

Another technique I use MANY times, is silence. I have found that in silence, a person feel insecure, vulnerable, uncomfortable and like they need to talk to cut the silence. So many times they reveal things about themselves, by rambling. Because they have to find things to talk about. And it usually just so happens to be things that are troubling them, things that are on their chest, or even just random subconscious thoughts that pop in their head. All of these, though sometimes may not make sense when they come out of their mouth, reveal many things about them to me, whether it be characteristically or just in general information.

Something I would like to add is a bit of my own testimony. When I was sexually abused, I had no one to talk to. I am a christian young man, how can I tell my parents that I have been involved sexually with 3 men?! I mean, whether I wanted to or not, it is still wrong right?! And it doesn't take away from the fact that it makes me gay?! Cause I was always told, in these words, that any guy who does things sexually with another guy, is gay! there was no stipulations, nothing. I had a lot to deal with when I was between the age of 10 and up, 10 being the start of my abuse. I had a lot of emotional and physical pain I was dealing with. There was some mild physical abuse involved. I was hurt, confused, crazed, inhibilitated, I didn't know how to cope with and deal with what had been done TO me. I had anger issues, I was rebellious, all of this being signs that something was seriously wrong with me. Unknowingly, many times, a kid/teen will act in ways that gets himself attention, to cry out for help. It is purely subconscious and unintentional, and it is their way of saying, something is wrong, and I don't know how to talk about it! Anyway, in dealing with my issues, I turned to cutting, and 2 times I even attempted suicide myself. I learned real quick that God has a preset time for us to go and we aren't going to die unless it's His timing, so you might as well go about it another way! So I am able to approach these issues from experience.

Anyway, that's my mild rant for today.

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