ROYGBIV

I was just talking to a friend of mine, and I thought of a topic to blog about. This is something I told my parents when I first came out, and it seemed to help mend things a little.

You know, I am completely against coming out of the closet. Hell, I'm against having to be in one in the first place! Let's put this into perspective! If people would start minding their own business, our sexuality wouldn't be an issue. I mean, why does it matter anyway?! If you're not planning on sleeping with me, then my choice of partner shouldn't matter to you! This is why I have a hard time with family that won't speak to me over my sexuality. Did I change your mind? Did you have a sick fantasy of wanting to sleep with me? Is incest your thing? I didn't think so. SO GET OVER IT!!!!!

So, in order to attempt to make school happen, I need money. And the one way I have found to make this happen, was to become a Drag Queen. While I haven't TOTALLY made up my mind, I am entertaining the idea. So far I'm pretty sure I'm going to do it. Lila Signs is my name and I will explain why. Anyone who has followed my blog for any length of time knows I'm an interpreter for the deaf. So of course, I had to add my own twist on DQ's, and I am a Drag Queen for the Deaf. I have spoken to Erica Martinez, the best Drag Queen I've ever known, and she is going to take me under her wing and help me get started. Yes, this includes a girls day out shopping :D

Now, as for the name. There is this movie called "Latter Days" and it's about this closeted gay who was a mormon missionary and was found out when he and his gay lover were walked in on. He was sent home where his family hated and resented him and he couldn't take it so he slit his wrists. He was not successful in suicide, so they stuck him in a facility to brainwash him and change his sexuality. But he escaped and ran back to the man he loved. The restaurant owner where his lover worked was called Lila's. And so I put that together with what sets me apart from other Drag Queens and came up with Lila Signs.

So there's my biggest news. Add me on Facebook by clicking on my Drag Name throughout this post. Pics will be posted there and even videos.

So, I was just sitting here. And many thoughts were popping in my head. Many memories from the past, everyone of them good ones, things that make me smile, but yet, they make me cry. Why is that I can't just be happy over things that were good. My little buddy Ryan, saying his first word, taking his first step. My first piano student Brendan, also my buddy, playing his first song at the church in front of everyoone and not messing up. Baking cookies with my grandmother, memories I have with my brother who is also my best friend, and yet everytime I think of them, I cry. Why can't I just be happy? Why am I saddened about things that make me smile and feel warm? What is wrong with me?

Sorry I've not blogged in so long. It's been a while, I know. Life can be a bitch at times. I've been going through a lot of depression, mainly because I've been going through a lot of guys. It seems that it doesn't matter how good of a man I try to be, nobody sees me for it. I know that I'm kind of a pretty boy. And I know that some people aren't attracted to that, but I don't stay cute by neglecting my appearance. And I know that my appearance is not everything, but it is however who I am as a person. Unfortunately, not all of us are born naturally beautiful. Wow, that a weird tangent I didn't intend to go on.

Anyway, I'm seeing so much of the gay community, and it never ceases to amaze me, the number of guys who think that, there's no sense in looking for the one true love, cause we can't marry anyway. Or that are so wrapped up in sex, and pleasure, that they are too blind to see the good things that are right in front of them. In the mean time, not only are they hurting themselves, but they're hurting many around them, who really are looking for that one person!

My question is, what is love? I mean, for real! Define it! So many people throw that word around like a seal among killer whales,; "I love roast beef", "I love pencils!", "I love hamburger!". But really, let's define love. No, not by dictionary, but in your own words, define love. I don't want to hear any quotes from any sort of literature...I want to hear YOUR definition! Better yet, I want to see it, feel it...experience it. Let's practice showing people what TRUE LOVE really is! Class dismissed, if anyone out there has any class left!

Okay, so, it has been like, forever and a day since I've blogged. I haven't really been in the mood I guess. But on top of it, we just moved, and I've been working a lot.

Anyway, life is pretty much the same. I'm working, dating, maintaining a life. I am seeing a guy right now, his name is Rob. I like him a lot, but it has only been a week, so I'm not going to get my hopes up. He's 36 years old, and he's fun, funny, sweet, and really knows how to make me feel special. That last one is important ;-)

Haven't really been in the Christmas spirit. Holidays just really aren't my thing. Everyday is a holiday for me, so why should I act extra special on actual holidays? Especially when those holidays are created by religions to which I don't even personally believe in. Makes absolutely no sense to me. It's a waste of my time. But, such is life. We all have to do things we don't want just to make other people happy. It's the way the tuna falls.

I am working on a project with makeup and hair right now. Hopefully it turns out. If it does, I will post pics. It's a modern Geisha, with an artistic twist to it. I'm really excited. I have to give a mannequin a hair cut and style and then do her makeup. We'll see how this turns out.

And that's what I'm going to do right now, so I'll talk to y'all later.

So, a lot has happened this past few weeks and I've not been able to post about it! Where to start......I'll just dive right in and hope I remember everything.

So most people know I drive without a license and last saturday, after moving most of our stuff into our new apt, I was on my way to work, and I got pulled over for speeding, when all I was doing was passing someone. And of course, it had to be a policeman I knew! Also, LUCKY for me, it was a policeman I knew. It was one of my regulars at Starbucks and he let me go, cause he likes my coffee too much to let me go to prison. LOL


THEN...the monday after, I was shopping, and this bitch was letting her 3 year old run around the store. I was coming out of an aisle as her daughter was running across the store and I tripped over her. Her mom was nowhere to be seen, and I couldn't leave the girl lyin there while I tried to find mom...and I sure as hell wasn't picking her up. So I just sat down next to her Indian style and waited with her til her bitch of a mother to hear her screaming and crying. It took that bitch 3.5 minutes, OH YES! I timed her! Anywho, the lady called the police on me for child abuse! The police looked at her like she was stupid after everyone had given statements, and they also went and looked at the surveillance tapes. They told the lady she was a money grubbing idiot and was just looking for a case and escorted her out of the store! LOL

Then last Sunday, my computer crashed. And I just got it back. So I'm just now being able to catch on a lot of things. FML....lol

I think I'm just going to leave that as all for this note. I missed everyone in my internet world.

So yesterday the way my work schedule worked and my mom's church schedule worked, I had to drop her off at church and take the car home. When we got there, everyone ran out and was talking to me, which was nice, but there was a few things that kind of got to me. Not necessarily in a bad way, it's just, well, a few of the people brought out some people I didn't even know and I felt like I was the gay rebel witch on display for show and tell. So it got me to thinking last night about who I really am.

You know, for those with a Christian background, they would say that I have gone astray. But those who are in my shoes, or might be open minded, or who might understand a little better, they would say I've found my way.

I grew up as a christian, I grew up miserable. As I've stated in previous posts, I believe that there is no right or wrong religion. I believe that there is a right religion for each individual, and that not everyone is meant for the same thing. Who are we to say that being Baptist, or Protestant, or any other religion, is the right one?! Are we a higher power to be able to make this choice? You say, but the Bible says. Prove that the Bible is true! All you can do is tell me history. But you know what?! Wiccan has history too! Can you tell me that it is less true just because we don't have a Bible? Not every religion needs a Bible. To me, all the Bible is, is the book created for you to know how you're being judged. And the religions who have used that Bible, have turned it into being the book to which EVERYONE will use to judge you!

Throughout the past 4 months, I have made a lot of discoveries about myself. I have found my way when I was lost, I have made a lot of progressions, things that never happened while I was a "Christian". This tells me that the way of life for me is being Wiccan.

Some may never fully understand that, but that's okay. That just means that my way of life isn't meant for you. And that's okay, I certainly won't judge you on that. But will we ever get the "other side" of the world to understand this too?