ROYGBIV

Now, I hate food, so Thanksgiving, I kind of dread. BUT, I do love cooking!!! So this year, with me coming out, and being a Wiccan, and my family pretty much forgot I existed on purpose, I requested to my parents that they allow me to do Thanksgiving at our house. Since I am 22 years old, and once I am done with Beauty School, I plan to move away I won't be around forever, so we might as well take advantage of the holidays we have together. They agreed, and we invited some family over that we know don't have the money for holidays, and that we knew would be alone, and also that still liked me. LOL...anyway, yesterday I started to prepare the menu, and BOY can I not wait this year!

So far this is the menu:
lemon-herb roasted turkey
cranberry-pomegranate sauce
creamy spinach bake
green beans with bacon-walnut vinaigrette
broccoli-bacon casserole with cheesy mustard sauce
bacon twice baked potatoes
sweet potatoes with cinnamon honey
picnic potato casserole
gingerbread pumpkin trifle
peach melba molded salad
cranberry ribbon cheesecake
pumpkin-ginger pie with gingersnap streusal


Now, like I said, I hate food. I only eat cause I know I have to for survival. But I LOVE to cook! It's the one legacy I can carry on from my late grandmother and forever best friend, Alice Belle Thompson Work. When I am cooking, I feel her presence standing over me just like I was 9 again, when she first started teaching me to cook! I feel her warmth hovering over me, her hand on my shoulder, her voice in my ear telling me what to do. I feel her sweet sensitive spirit just enveloping the place with her joy, cheer, and love. When I'm in the kitchen, it allows me to remember, and relive the everyday lessons she would give me in cooking. My grandmother was the best cook on the face of the earth and I can never live up to her level, but I will deafinitely make her proud by living up to my own level. That's all she would ever ask of me. I have her every recipe. Family members have her recipes on paper, but what they don't have is the secrets she never wrote down, and that is something I'll never eliminate from my existence.

Having my grandmother's secrets always gives me a sense of closeness with her, a feeling of importance. Something that I will never allow anyone to take away from me. My grandmother always told me that one day I would be something. Something people could only WISH to be, and I never believed her. But I sit here in front of the computer, typing this, and emotions overwhelm me, as I realize she was right.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying I'm great. But what I am saying is that a lot of what I do, who I am, and what I will be, people would die to do, be, and become. And there's not a day go by that I take for granted that which I have been trusted with. I don't know what my future holds, but I do know that I will never forsake it, turn my back on it, or regret it.

I need to end this blog before I become a tear filled queen. lol

So, I was talking to my good friend Xian today, and was telling him about my passion to write a book. This is something that I've wanted to do for a long time, but I never knew what my subject would be. But I knew that if I waited long enough, it would come to me.

While talking, I was talking about the blindness of parents and such. The main topic was how parents are so blinded by what THEY want, that they don't see the real truth. For years, I knew I was gay and acted as a gay person, but if you ask my parents, they'll tell you that they had their ideas, but had no clue that I was gay. See how that doesn't make sense?! Yet, in their minds, it is a complete reality. They were in such denial that one of their own children could be gay, that they took blatantly obvious clues, and hid them behind their own desires. Now, 11 years later they are faced with the reality and have to accept it.


So my book is going to be based on the parents side of coming out and ways that we as gay people, or GLBTQ people, can understand our parents struggles better, and help them overcome their own fears and such. It is going to be a "Coming Out for Dummies" book basically. I come from a baptist background, and I know how I was raised and such. I am a very observant person and I have a very wise and open head on my shoulders. And though I am only 22, and people may think that I'm not qualified to write a book, especially since I've only been out as a gay man for 4 months, I know for a fact that I am more than qualified. So, consider this the announcement of my new book, and I hope that I can count on y'all, my readers, for your input along the way!

I am sure that most of my blogs will be in support of my book, basically summing up ideas and such that pop in my head. This book will also be covering the suicide issue from many angles as well. Not just being gay, but I'm also going to attack the suicide rates of parents whose children are gay as well. I'm going to aim to help us, as GLBTQ citizens, to understand that, even though our happiness is important, it is also important that we fully understand the impact that it has on everyone's life around us. From the viewpoint of people that pass us on the street, work with us, went to church with us, grew up with us, close family, distant family, religious, non-religious, I'm throwing all these in. I am going to interview people personally for the input, not just assume I know what they think.

So, for starters, if you would like to participate in my book, whether it be by being interviewed, or knowing someone that you'd like to have interviewed, by all means contact me at terpprm@yahoo.com. We will work something out. There is no deadline, as I'm just starting. I haven't even started planning yet, as I'm letting the book idea simmer for a bit so I can fully grasp the subject in its entirety. Thanks ahead of time!!!

So I thought I would talk about insecurities in this blog, mainly my own.

First of all, I KNOW that I'm a very insecure person. I have a HUGE fear of being alone, and dying alone. I've been hurt so many times in my life, I feel worthless, and like I'm used property. I often feel depressed about life. Let's face it, we never have as many friends as we want. I second guess myself, my decisions, and everything. I am very high on insecurities and self esteem issues.

What got me to thinking about this is I was walking through work, at Target, and I saw a display of a beautiful lady wearing a beautiful outfit. And I found myself getting depressed cause I wasn't attracted to her. And immediately I got upset with myself. I am very happy as a homosexual! I don't regret one minute of it. But what played a big part in that scene, was my christian upbringing. It was drilled into my head that there is something wrong with being homosexual. So here I am, trying to be the "normal" that I was raised to be, when in fact, I am more than happy with who I am!

So why is it that we go through life trying to be what other people want us to be rather than answering our own calls, and choosing our own paths? Now, I'm not going to give my opinion right now, I'd like to hear what others have to say. Spread the word about my blog, get others involved, let's have us a little debate. ;-)

I was lying in my bed, and a thought popped in. I had to get out of bed and blog this before I forgot.

I was thinking about the movie "Prayers for Bobby". I am sure most of you know of, or have seen the movie. Just in case I will recap. Basically a christian boy comes out of the closet, his family shoves him out of their lives, criticizes and abuses him. In the end, it took the boy committing suicide for the mom to realize what she should have from the beginning.

Now, being raised "christian" myself, I know what Christians are taught, and I know what they believe. I also know the difference between what they're taught and what they do. I am not going to sit here and try to defend them. But I know from the last pastor I had, he did NOT teach them to hate me, to shun me, or disrespect me, it is the Christians who CHOOSE to do so. Might I add that most of them from that church don't? Do you know why? Because the pastor has led them by example to love everyone no matter what!

Anyway, I was thinking about the ratio of GLBTs that are Christians. I did some research and found many numbers, but I am only going to use one of them, and I asked for guidance so I feel I chose a right and accurate one. 44% of the GLBT community, were once Christians. It was also stated that a GLBT person who was once a christian is 27 times more likely to commit suicide! That's heart breaking! And why do you think this rate is so high?! I'll tell you why! Because some Christians think that it's their job to judge and criticize other people. NEWSFLASH!!!! You can't replace God!!!

So here's a thought. I attempted suicide as a young teenager, 3 times, and I know that my reason for it was because I was scared to death of not being accepted by everyone I knew, aka Christians. And on top of it, I was dealing with sexual abuse and neglect of my family's attention, as I wasn't really liked anyway. So just how many suicides are caused by a christian? Let's stop and think about this. Who is known to be the most judgmental people on the face of the earth? Those that claim to be Christians. So why is it that they can't see just what kind of damage they are causing. I'm by no means saying that Christians should be ousted from the planet, I'm just simply saying that they need to really consider what their God would be doing if He were in their shoes! I highly doubt He would be the cause of suicides!

Using statistics, on average, there are about 32, 622 suicides a year. Here are some more statistics breaking down that number:
1.3% of all deaths are from suicide.
On average, one suicide occurs every 17 minutes.
On average, an elderly person dies by suicide every 1 hour and 37 minutes.
On average, a young person (age 15-24) dies by suicide every 2 hours and 12 minutes.
Suicide is the eleventh leading cause of death for all Americans.
Suicide is the third leading cause of death for young people aged 15-24 year olds.(1st = accidents, 2nd = homicide)
Suicide is the fifth leading cause of death for young people aged 5-14 year olds.Suicide is the second leading cause of death among college students.
Suicide is the eighth leading cause of death for males.
Suicide is the nineteenth leading cause of death for females.
More males die from suicide than females.(4 male deaths by suicide for each female death by suicide.)
More people die from suicide than from homicide.(Suicide ranks as the 11th leading cause of death; Homicide ranks 13th.)
73% of all suicide deaths are white males.
80% of all firearm suicide deaths are white males.
Among the highest rates (when categorized by gender and race) are suicide deaths for white men over 85. (54 per 100,000)

Breakdown by Gender / Ethnicity / Young, Old Age Groups

                                             Rate Per
                 Number        Per Day      100,000    % of Deaths  
Total .............30,622..........83.9.........10.8..........1.3
Males .............24,672..........67.6.........17.6..........2.1
Females.............5,950..........16.3..........4.1..........0.5
Whites.............27,710..........75.9.........11.9..........1.3
Nonwhites...........2,912...........8.0..........5.6..........0.9
Blacks..............1,957...........5.4..........5.3..........0.7
Elderly (65+ yrs.) .5,393..........14.8.........15.3..........0.3
Young (15-24 yrs.)..3,971..........10.9..........9.9.........12.3

Further Breakdown by Gender / Ethnicity

Rate Per Group # of Suicides 100,000
White Male.......22,328........19.5
White Female .....5,382.........4.6
Nonwhite Male ....2,344.........9.3
Nonwhite Female ....568.........2.1
Black Male .......1,627.........9.2
Black Female........330.........1.7
Hispanic...........1850.........5.0

I also read that one in three teen aged suicides was gay or lesbian.

That's just a thought for you. So next time you go criticize someone, think about the number that you might be putting on the chart. And even though you may not care, put yourself in the family's shoes who will be losing this loved one, and reconsider how you treat or react to someone, just because of sexual orientation, outward appearance, or any other reason.

Why is it that people think that the only thing that exists in the world is sex? Anymore, in my search for Mr. Right, all I can find is people who want sex. I mean, I myself am not a very sexual person, and sometimes it would be nice to find someone who just wants to cuddle, someone who just wants to have a conversation. Or maybe even find someone who doesn't care that I'm not drop-dead gorgeous, but cares about me for my great personality. Is it so much to ask for, to want someone who loves me for my soul. My body is not a toy, well, it is, but it is a sacred toy and I'm not going to give it to just anyone. I mean, seriously.....

Anyway, I just may have met someone special. Someone who actually thinks about me throughout the day, and lets me know. It's finally nice to know that I matter to someone. He makes me feel really special. Things he says to me, about me, and just everything. Let's hope nothing happens!!! Cause I deserve to be happy and I believe that this is my time! Jealous? don't be! You're time is coming too!!!

Everyone has someone out there. And we are all deserving of things. And how you live your life determines WHAT you're deserving of! So if you want a good man, or woman, or whatever the hell you're into, then live it! Just sayin......

I want all who read my blog to watch this. Cause if there's anything I know, is that at times, we feel that it's the end. We are done. Can't continue, who are we kidding, right?! Wrong. Take a little trip with me. Watch this video, and let your heart be touched, just as mine was!

Here is a little motivational speech that I came up with just for everyone on a website for men who have been sexually abused! And I thought it could be used in EVERYONE's life in some way, shape, or form!

Have you ever thought of the word, "the"? I mean, such a little word and yet has so much importance behind it. Have you ever tried to go throughout the day, and not use the word "the"? It is impossible!!!! Try it sometime!

"The" is the ONLY definite article of the English language!!!! "The" makes things happen here and now!!!!

The application:

How we live our life is important. we may seem so little, and so un-important, but really think about your life! How many things wouldn't happen, if you were not in existence? Could your family, place of work, your friends, your support groups, could they "happen" without you?

If not, then perhaps, we are doing something wrong. we should live with such a life, that we leave that impression of good character and uniqueness in our life. I mean, if I miss work, I want them to say, "OH NO!!!! He's the hardest working person I have!!!! What will I do????? I need "THE"!!!!!!!!!"

It is also said that the English language is the only language that has a definite article!

We should live our lives with absolutes! some definites! Meaning, in our lives, there are things that we should KNOW, and that will not change! Things like, I personally have my brother! I know, that no matter what, I will always have him! I know that my parents are an absolute in my life!!!!

"The" makes things happen here and now:

Do you make things happen "here and now"? Or do we live with the mindset that, "eh, I am a survivor, I have my struggles, they can go on without me"? Or going through life, not caring, or just not doing things because, "we aren't 'normal' anyway? Why not live as "the"?

We could take so many lessons from such a little word in the English language!

Something we need to think about often, is how are we living our life? They say that life is like a vapor. How are you living your vapor? It happens quick you know! How many of you are old enough, or maybe have seen, the old tea kettles, when your mother's would make tea? And coming out of the spout, was a vapor. And almost as soon as it would appear, it would disappear. our lives are the same way! They happen, but oh so quickly!!!!

Here's another way to put it. On tombstones, there are 2 dates. The day you were born, and the day you died. In between those dates, is a dash(-). That dash represents a period of time. For some it is short, and others long, but, none-the-less, it represents a period of time. This period of time, what will your represent? When people visit your graveside, will they look at your dash and say good things about it? Or will they say bad things about it?

This is just a few things to think about. and I would really like y'all to think about them. a simple punctuation mark like "-", and a simple article like "the", and a little bit of heat and water, and the relation to our lives.

I have a few challenges for everyone:

1) Try to look around you and think of your own life applications we can learn from the world around us. It is amazing how things were placed here, and they seem so minute, but they have so much to teach us!

2) Reply to this post with things in this life that can't go on without you! this could be a little bit of an encouragement and an eye opener for some, to see just how important you really are!


I also encourage any other comments to this post as well.......